What a week to write about it. I hope i can maintain some degree of sense in what I am sure will have my siblings saying just like the damn thing and move on!
I left us doing walking time with Melissa who I saw the next nite on the Cox's boat to watch the Mercer Island Celebration with fireworks. I got home at 11:30 which is about 4am my time and crashed. The next day we had Mindy and John, their grandchildren, daughter, Ed and friend Barrett for dinner. Mindy made delicious eggplant parm and Matt barbequed shrimp and pork tenderloins. It was great.
By Monday, it was apparent that a celebrations would not be getting out of the bed for me. I did go to Victoria Secret with Emily and dreamed of shopping there saying on no this is way too big. We then went to buy my first camisole for the mastectomy. It was like moving in the dream from walking around in a tight pair of cute bikini underwear, to wearing the kind that Bernice (my great-grandmother wore) which fit right under your bra line. These are no fun. How lucky I was to have Emily hug me when I came out along with the huge stink eye she gave the salesclerk for talking to me like I was 4 and and idiot.
I swam Tuesday and Wednesday and celebrated Mattie's return from DCA on Wed. So hold on, here is the story. On Tuesday we were hosting a home meet. I was swimming early am in the little pool and not the competition one. I felt this little jiggle and didn't feel anything else. Then it dawned on me.....my big toe nail had come off. Now is this serious stuff. That nail was so large that is would be mistaken for a life raft. I was scared people would think it a purple noodle. I stopped and walked back and forth in the pool looking for it. No luck. Emily says the filter sucked it up. If it did not and the filter is broken, we better start looking around!
ONE
Back to home where We geared up for the one last time of leaving for the the 253 with hope, joy and fear.
As I got out of the shower, I opened my bedroom door and walked into a 16 pink balloon (number of chemos) breast ribbon that rose to the top of our cathedral ceilings. When they passed out daughters, I know that mine was there and I grabbed her first!!!! She went up early in the morning before working and ordered them telling me some lie as to why she needed to go it. After I went to bed, she went back to QFC got them in the windy car and sulked home where she hid them in the garage. Later on she taped everything together with weights to be become the pink floating breast cancer ribbon in my bedroom. She is one of a kind!
DONE
Back to Swedish where first stop is labs. Tho no Lolinda, they got my needle in with no problem and up we go to see Dr. K. He is hobbling around on crutches as his knee went out. He was excited to see the tassel on my cap signifying graduation and he promised to call on the 23rd with the results of the scans and mris.
Up to chemo. Great nurses, check in people, volunteers.....what a wonderful supportive group. Mellissa, the driving Miss Swaya today fan, came complete with cakes which said and then there were none with flowers like my hats. We had a party and celebrating that I could walk out of there and lot better than when I entered. The woman in the cubicle down from me told us that she was taking chemo for lung cancers and her tumors had not shrunk. It made me sad to realize that not everyone has been as blessed as I.
NONE
When I got home, I fell asleep and was anxious most the afternoon until Matt came home. He, Emily and I discussed what a jumbled knot of emotions I have over this. Happy it is over, said it happened to me, what if it comes back, can I do this again, and on and on and on. I need to tackle all these issues that i was surprised to just show up. I have spent so long staying up, and didn't prepare for coming down. I plan to join a support group thru the plastic surgeon that deals with mastectomies and reconstruction. As he said, one step. I am hopeful our little family vacation time will soothe my soul and move me forward
We have closed chapter one. Well nearly. Last night was 2 hours sleep. I have used every drug know to man since Adam to no avail. Even my medical mary jane which I know I could have od on I took so much, failed me. At least there was no cold pizza to eat. I will not miss this part!! Next step...what do the tests say on the 23rd?? Green lights mean Aug 12 surgery. Pray for that. It is a much more exciting chapter to our book.
I will let you know about the tests. Thanks for holding me so close these past twenty weeks. I needed every ounce of support you gave me. Thanks you for reminding me that I have Cancer, it does NOT have me.
Much love in that Franko Rodney arrow to the sky!
WE GOT THIS!!!!!!!!!!
Fondly,
Jill
I left us doing walking time with Melissa who I saw the next nite on the Cox's boat to watch the Mercer Island Celebration with fireworks. I got home at 11:30 which is about 4am my time and crashed. The next day we had Mindy and John, their grandchildren, daughter, Ed and friend Barrett for dinner. Mindy made delicious eggplant parm and Matt barbequed shrimp and pork tenderloins. It was great.
By Monday, it was apparent that a celebrations would not be getting out of the bed for me. I did go to Victoria Secret with Emily and dreamed of shopping there saying on no this is way too big. We then went to buy my first camisole for the mastectomy. It was like moving in the dream from walking around in a tight pair of cute bikini underwear, to wearing the kind that Bernice (my great-grandmother wore) which fit right under your bra line. These are no fun. How lucky I was to have Emily hug me when I came out along with the huge stink eye she gave the salesclerk for talking to me like I was 4 and and idiot.
I swam Tuesday and Wednesday and celebrated Mattie's return from DCA on Wed. So hold on, here is the story. On Tuesday we were hosting a home meet. I was swimming early am in the little pool and not the competition one. I felt this little jiggle and didn't feel anything else. Then it dawned on me.....my big toe nail had come off. Now is this serious stuff. That nail was so large that is would be mistaken for a life raft. I was scared people would think it a purple noodle. I stopped and walked back and forth in the pool looking for it. No luck. Emily says the filter sucked it up. If it did not and the filter is broken, we better start looking around!
ONE
Back to home where We geared up for the one last time of leaving for the the 253 with hope, joy and fear.
As I got out of the shower, I opened my bedroom door and walked into a 16 pink balloon (number of chemos) breast ribbon that rose to the top of our cathedral ceilings. When they passed out daughters, I know that mine was there and I grabbed her first!!!! She went up early in the morning before working and ordered them telling me some lie as to why she needed to go it. After I went to bed, she went back to QFC got them in the windy car and sulked home where she hid them in the garage. Later on she taped everything together with weights to be become the pink floating breast cancer ribbon in my bedroom. She is one of a kind!
DONE
Back to Swedish where first stop is labs. Tho no Lolinda, they got my needle in with no problem and up we go to see Dr. K. He is hobbling around on crutches as his knee went out. He was excited to see the tassel on my cap signifying graduation and he promised to call on the 23rd with the results of the scans and mris.
Up to chemo. Great nurses, check in people, volunteers.....what a wonderful supportive group. Mellissa, the driving Miss Swaya today fan, came complete with cakes which said and then there were none with flowers like my hats. We had a party and celebrating that I could walk out of there and lot better than when I entered. The woman in the cubicle down from me told us that she was taking chemo for lung cancers and her tumors had not shrunk. It made me sad to realize that not everyone has been as blessed as I.
NONE
When I got home, I fell asleep and was anxious most the afternoon until Matt came home. He, Emily and I discussed what a jumbled knot of emotions I have over this. Happy it is over, said it happened to me, what if it comes back, can I do this again, and on and on and on. I need to tackle all these issues that i was surprised to just show up. I have spent so long staying up, and didn't prepare for coming down. I plan to join a support group thru the plastic surgeon that deals with mastectomies and reconstruction. As he said, one step. I am hopeful our little family vacation time will soothe my soul and move me forward
We have closed chapter one. Well nearly. Last night was 2 hours sleep. I have used every drug know to man since Adam to no avail. Even my medical mary jane which I know I could have od on I took so much, failed me. At least there was no cold pizza to eat. I will not miss this part!! Next step...what do the tests say on the 23rd?? Green lights mean Aug 12 surgery. Pray for that. It is a much more exciting chapter to our book.
I will let you know about the tests. Thanks for holding me so close these past twenty weeks. I needed every ounce of support you gave me. Thanks you for reminding me that I have Cancer, it does NOT have me.
Much love in that Franko Rodney arrow to the sky!
WE GOT THIS!!!!!!!!!!
Fondly,
Jill
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